I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
