Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
