well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
