Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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