i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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