You smell like a Billy Joel song
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
