At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
