I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
