he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
