my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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