I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
