Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
