just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
