Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
