do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
