Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
