you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
