I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
