My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
