you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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