I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we're so committed to being not committed
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