you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
