it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
