Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
