It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
