hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
