I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
