I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Panties = found
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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