I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
