Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
