I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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