A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
