I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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