Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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