Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
