what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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