He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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