I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
