We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
