Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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