When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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