went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
