Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Randomize
