Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
