I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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