so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
