i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
