the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
