Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
