NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
