He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
